“H-hello, everyone… Chunky here! Y-you remember Chunky, right? Last member of DK crew, big guy, kind of shy… yeah, that’s me!

…Oh! Before Chunky forgets: big banana shout-out to the fans who helped Chunky set up this lil’ jungle blog. It’s just for fun, not run by Nintendo, and Chunky’s not makin’ a single banana coin off it, honest!

Gee, it’s been a long time since my adventure on Nintendo 64. Back then, I was so scared and excited all at once. I’d never left home without Kiddy before! After we beat King K. Rool (Chunky still can’t believe he got to deliver the final punch. I was shaking in my fur, haha!), I decided maybe it was okay for Chunky to take a little break. Chunky’s been laying low these past years, living the quiet life on DK Island. I spend a lot of time with family. My little brother Kiddy is not so little anymore, can you believe it? He’s almost Chunky-sized! We wrestle for fun (just play wrestling, Chunky never hurts family) and I’ve been teaching him to play the triangle. We formed a silly band and have been practicing a lot. We’re not ready for Candy’s stage or anything, but it sure is fun.

A lot of folks ask, “Chunky, where have you been? Why no big adventures?” Well… truth is, Chunky doesn’t like fights unless he really has to. After that DK64 adventure, I was perfectly happy to let the other Kongs handle the dangerous stuff. Diddy and Dixie and the others have been off on big adventures fighting Tikis and Snowmads. I’m super proud of them, but I was more than happy to cheer from the sidelines.

My favorite job these days is babysitting. Yes, that’s right, this big ol’ gorilla is the best babysitter on the island! I often watch over Baby Donkey Kong (okay, he’s technically Cranky’s great-grandson or something… family trees confuse Chunky…). We crawl around, eat bananas, chase butterflies. Chunky loves butterflies, remember. And no heights, haha! I keep the little ones safely on the ground. I may be strong, but you won’t catch Chunky climbing any tall trees if he can help it!

Some of you thought something bad happened to me. I’ve heard the jokes, “and then there’s Chunky, he’s dead!” Dead? Oh no, Chunky is alive and kickin’, I promise! The only thing that died was my fear. Well, okay, I’m still afraid of a lot, but I’m working on it. Every now and then I’ll hear DK rap about me (“…makes crushing rocks seem such a breeze…” yeah!) and it gives me courage.

Actually, I had a pretty cool moment recently. I went to visit my cousin Tiny Kong during her racing tournament, and I ended up as a spectator at this big jungle arena match. Wouldn’t you know it, Mario (that little mustachioed guy) was battling my pal Donkey Kong! I was in the crowd cheering DK on (I might have been the loudest one there. When you’re as big as me, you gotta cheer big too). I even did a tiny chest pound to root for him. It felt great to be part of the action, even just as an audience member. So if you spotted me in the crowd, yep, that was Chunky! Pretty neat, huh?

These days, Chunky is content. I still train with Funky Kong sometimes, gotta keep these muscles in shape in case my family needs me. But I also spend a lot of time in peace. I plant pineapples (Chunky loves pineapples, and not just for launching from my bazooka!), I play hide-and-seek with Lanky (he always finds the best hiding spots, that goofball uncle of mine), and I volunteer to help Cranky around the island (mostly lifting heavy barrels for him, he says I’m finally useful!). Life is good.

To all my fans out there who never forgot about me: thank you. Honestly, Chunky is a little shy to even call them “fans.” I was so nervous back in 1999, thinking I’d let everyone down. But you guys have been so kind, even making funny memes about me. (At first, I didn’t get the whole “Chunky is dead” thing… I nearly had a heart attack thinking maybe I was… then Tiny explained it’s a joke. Phew! You kids and your jokes!). It makes me happy to know I gave you a laugh or two.

Would I ever come back for a new adventure? Heh… maybe. If my family needed me, Chunky would summon his courage and be there in a heartbeat, pineapple ammo and triangle in hand. I might move slow and get scared, but I know now that being brave doesn’t mean you’re never afraid, it means you show up even if you are. I learned that from my friends (and from you, cheering me on). So who knows, maybe one day you’ll see a big familiar ape lumbering into action again.

Until then, I’ll be here, living the simple life and being one hell of a guy, just like the song says. Ooh ooh yeah! …Oops, was that too loud? Haha. Thank you for remembering Chunky Kong. Me hope to see you again soon… even if I’m a little nervous!

Sincerely,
Chunky Kong (the gentlest, alive-est Kong in the jungle)

Chunky loves getting fan mail at chunky@chunkykong.com

Chunky Kong FAQ

Is Chunky Kong Kiddy Kong’s brother?

“Y-yup! Chunky the big brother, Kiddy the lil’ squirt. We wrestle, share bananas, and sometimes Kiddy rides on Chunky’s shoulders for free!”

Is Chunky Kong dead?

“Gulp! Nope, Chunky still breathin’. That meme was just a silly joke. Please stop leavin’ flowers on my crate, it scares me!”

Why did Chunky Kong disappear after Donkey Kong 64?

“Adventure was fun but super scary! After knockin’ out K. Rool, Chunky took a nap… that nap turned into, uh, twenty-five years. Oops.”

Will Chunky Kong ever be in a new Donkey Kong game?

“If DK crew calls, Chunky shows! Me still trainin’, still strong. Nintendo just gotta ask… pretty please?”

What is Chunky Kong’s favorite thing to smash?

“Boulders! They make a nice crunch. Only bad Kremlings and mean rocks, Chunky never smashes butterflies or friends.”

What instrument does Chunky Kong play?

“Triangle! Ting-ting-TING! Tiny sound for a big ape, huh? But music keeps Chunky calm.”

Why does Chunky Kong talk in the third person?

“Chunky… uh, Chunky gets tongue-twisties. Saying ‘me’ or ‘Chunky’ is easier than ‘I’. Cranky says it’s endearing. Chunky hopes so!”

Is Chunky Kong stronger than Donkey Kong?

“DK still top banana, but Chunky can lift heavier stuff if he drinks Hunky Chunky potion. Without potion… DK beats me arm-wrestlin’ every time.”

What is Chunky Kong afraid of?

“Heights! Cages dangling over factory floors? No thank you! Also public speaking… so this FAQ makes Chunky sweat bananas.”

How can I send fan art to Chunky Kong?

“Yes please! Chunky loves pictures. Can send them to chunky@chunkykong.com . Original art safest. Official art ok if you write ‘© Nintendo/Rare’ so lawyers stay happy. Thanks, bananas! Chunky might just add them to this Chunky blog.”